FAQ’s

Frequently asked, yet rarely factually answered questions.  Just how the Internet would want it.

Why would an Internet vagabond such as yourself need even more answers unless this is about the hastily scrawled apology note I wrote when I backed into your car in the Best Buy parking lot? FAQ’s in a blog are nothing more than another reason for you to read words that I wrote, at which time I shall refer you again to the note in your windshield.

The FAQ’s found here are meant to stimulate thought, answer the tough questions that seem to get asked on a regular basis and entertain you long enough to click over to the next section, Personal Tidbits. You know, the section where the stuff of internet legend is born and misconceptions are formed and cemented for all to enjoy.

Now, don’t be an asshole and go there first. Stick with these FAQ’s, and for just this one time in your miserable life finish something you’ve started.

Who the hell are you?

I’m just a girl with a boy’s name. Or a girl with an awesome name you will never forget because you’ll be like “hey, I know this girl with a guys name.”  It has been said, however, that I also have ‘man hands’, a ‘smokey deep voice’, and ‘the unfortunate tendency of stealing cutlery at restaurants’.

I write, or at least I throw down some words on paper from time to time. By definition I have written many short books, most of them called The Grocery List.

What is this nonsense about, and how did you get into my house?

It’s a collection of stuff that I think about from time to time, which I am running out of friends to talk to about it.  You invited ME in with a quick Google search, or a broken link on a dating site.  But since you’re here…please be my friend…

How tall are you?

5’11 when asked. 5’10 in real life. Tall enough to make those of smaller stature feel weird around me. That’s probably be more of an “abrasive personality” thing than a height thing  though.

What time does the movie start?

7:05 in theater 3. No outside food or drinks.

Do you have to fully thaw a turkey before cooking it?

Yes, unless it is a cook from frozen turkey (this will be noted on the package) Thaw safely in the refrigerator to prevent bacterial growth. For every 4 pounds of turkey, allow one day of refrigerator thawing. Cold water thawing is also acceptable if time is short. Submerge entire turkey in cold water for at least 30 minutes per pound. Change water every half hour. Don’t call me if you get salmonella though. I’m not the Butterball hotline. These people are:

1-800-BUTTERBALL

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